Saturday, December 22, 2007
Pictures, which I AM legally allowed to use!
You know, WalMart / Target will usually print any digital pictures you send them, but sometimes they get persnickety about "professional" prints. Anyway, this picture WAS purchased in digital format from Sears by my mother!
Merry Christmas! (not "Happy Holidays")
Merry Christmas everyone! Not "happy holidays" - as Brad Stein says, "there are a bunch of holidays in February too, but no one says 'happy holidays' - they call it what it is! 2000 years later, Jesus is still intimidating people". :)
I'm really on an acapella (Firefox doesn't seem to know that word) Christmas music kick this year. I've been listening a lot to some slightly older stuff from
Manhattan Transfer who also has a new CD out (well it came out last year, but I just got it this year) and Rockapella (another Rockapella CD)
There are a few new Christmas CDs out which I've enjoyed a good bit. Christmas music is about the only music I buy any more. When I buy it from ITunes or import it into my music library, I always make it a point to change the genre to "Christmas" since it seems to always come in as "holiday" :)
OK, I don't know why, but Blogger has an "Edit Html" pane, but it hijacks anything you do (sort of like Microsoft but much worse). If you want to not allow HTML editing, don't. Offering this half-baked solution is completely bogus.
Anyway, scroll waaaaayyyy down for the rest of this post.
I'm really on an acapella (Firefox doesn't seem to know that word) Christmas music kick this year. I've been listening a lot to some slightly older stuff from
Manhattan Transfer who also has a new CD out (well it came out last year, but I just got it this year) and Rockapella (another Rockapella CD)
There are a few new Christmas CDs out which I've enjoyed a good bit. Christmas music is about the only music I buy any more. When I buy it from ITunes or import it into my music library, I always make it a point to change the genre to "Christmas" since it seems to always come in as "holiday" :)
OK, I don't know why, but Blogger has an "Edit Html" pane, but it hijacks anything you do (sort of like Microsoft but much worse). If you want to not allow HTML editing, don't. Offering this half-baked solution is completely bogus.
Anyway, scroll waaaaayyyy down for the rest of this post.
 | This is my favorite new CD this year - it's also where the Brad Stein quote above comes from. |
 | This is the best of the "various artists" offerings of 2007 IMO. |
 | There's a really awesome song on here "Quiet Christmas Night" - probably my favorite new Christmas song of the year. The other 2 tracks are all right, but not as good as Jaci's Christmas CD from a couple years back. |
 | This band's pretty good for a Disney band. They are Christians, but the songs on their other CDs is not written from a Christian world-view. This CD's quite good, though. |
 | I enjoyed this CD, but there's really not much Michael W Smith on it - it's more orchestra and choir. |
 | I am actually a little ashamed of Relient K for releasing this CD - since almost all of it is exactly the same tracks as their "Deck the Halls Bruise Your Hand" CD. I should have just bought the tracks that were different - but if you don't have the other CD, buy this one. |
 | This CD has some awesome tracks, although there was 1 I really didn't like at all because it was a bit raunchy. Maybe they think they made up for it by reading from Luke 2 on another track? |
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
This One's For Bernie
If you were at MO 5 or more years ago, and involved in Children's Ministry, you knew Bernie. Why I'm talking about him today involves one of his controversial practices...
Breaking news to the 5th graders
that
there
was
no
Santa Claus.
Why am I remembering Bernie today?
Yesterday Mr. Clean came home from school and told me I had to mail a letter to the fictitious man. I told him I wasn't going to do it. He told me that it was an assignment and was very, very distressed that I said there was no Santa Claus when his teacher had told them all about seeing a reindeer with a red nose in the sky and that it was Santa practicing.
So it was a parents vs. teacher evening, and quite frankly, in his eyes, the teacher wins. I don't blame him really, because he is on his best behavior at school (he received the responsibility award 1st semester) and he is not at home - so he gets consistently good feedback from her and both kinds from me.
I got emotionally involved because it drives me INSANE how the public school system says that they can not teach anything about Jesus, or the reason why Christmas STARTED or even really why it's called CHRISTmas without the ACLU closing in. But their employee can work on instilling a faith in a fat man who breaks into your house while you're sleeping.
I really have nothing against St. Nick himself. I enjoyed the fantasy as a kid, but I'm a literalist and always have been. Tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth or I'll feel betrayed. I promised myself that my kids would always know the truth about Santa Claus, negative numbers and ellipses. (Yes, I remember finding out that what I had been taught to believe was wrong about each of these things and wondered why the adults couldn't have just told me the truth from the beginning). There's a magic to the Santa Claus story.
BUT
If you can't teach faith in the public school -
DON'T teach my children faith in a myth that is currently about getting more stuff when our world is consumerist enough already.
I guess I should use my soapbox to dismount from my high horse. Daddy had to help me with what to write for the teacher.
Mr. Clean - there IS NO Santa Claus. There WAS a Christian Saint where this all started - but no fat man will be bringing you Thomas trains this Christmas. There are grown ups who love to give presents in secret - and that's a good memorial to Saint Nicolas. I wish you could believe me instead of her.
Maybe Daddy will chime in with his moderated thoughts about my emotions so you can get his side.
Breaking news to the 5th graders
that
there
was
no
Santa Claus.
Why am I remembering Bernie today?
Yesterday Mr. Clean came home from school and told me I had to mail a letter to the fictitious man. I told him I wasn't going to do it. He told me that it was an assignment and was very, very distressed that I said there was no Santa Claus when his teacher had told them all about seeing a reindeer with a red nose in the sky and that it was Santa practicing.
So it was a parents vs. teacher evening, and quite frankly, in his eyes, the teacher wins. I don't blame him really, because he is on his best behavior at school (he received the responsibility award 1st semester) and he is not at home - so he gets consistently good feedback from her and both kinds from me.
I got emotionally involved because it drives me INSANE how the public school system says that they can not teach anything about Jesus, or the reason why Christmas STARTED or even really why it's called CHRISTmas without the ACLU closing in. But their employee can work on instilling a faith in a fat man who breaks into your house while you're sleeping.
I really have nothing against St. Nick himself. I enjoyed the fantasy as a kid, but I'm a literalist and always have been. Tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth or I'll feel betrayed. I promised myself that my kids would always know the truth about Santa Claus, negative numbers and ellipses. (Yes, I remember finding out that what I had been taught to believe was wrong about each of these things and wondered why the adults couldn't have just told me the truth from the beginning). There's a magic to the Santa Claus story.
BUT
If you can't teach faith in the public school -
DON'T teach my children faith in a myth that is currently about getting more stuff when our world is consumerist enough already.
I guess I should use my soapbox to dismount from my high horse. Daddy had to help me with what to write for the teacher.
Mr. Clean - there IS NO Santa Claus. There WAS a Christian Saint where this all started - but no fat man will be bringing you Thomas trains this Christmas. There are grown ups who love to give presents in secret - and that's a good memorial to Saint Nicolas. I wish you could believe me instead of her.
Maybe Daddy will chime in with his moderated thoughts about my emotions so you can get his side.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
In the Middle
I opened the can of worms.
I have no idea if anyone is reading, and if so who - I don't know my audience. 4 people have talked about the blog in recent history, one of them being Daddy, so I may just be talking to myself. I don't know how to check. If there is a wider audience, I've been ruminating.
I don't want to defend myself. I believe my children needed a parent and I desperately wanted to be their parent. I do want to be introspective, because I can't afford to not try to understand the issue of race better.
My last post could alienate me to both sides. To the people who have lived their whole lives on the island of Caucasia, where travelers from other ethnicities visit but don't live, I'm almost a traitor to acknowledge that racism still exists.
To the people who live on some other islands - by trying to say "I've shared that experience." I've only proved that I don't understand part of the nitty-gritty of their life.
I'm never going to be African American. I'm never going to be Ethiopian. I can't even "pass" for having a gene tie to my children to people of African descent - if he or she says "mom" they say "So, you adopted" and not in the form of a question.
But as their mom I need to work on this gap between white privilege and racism. The disparity between the experiences and treatment. There is no guarantee what types of experiences my children will have, but the world is far from perfect. While I hope the balance is tipped towards the times they feel loved, accepted and included, I know there will be times when they feel left out, different and outside. I need to learn how to help them deal with the things that are unfair.
I don't know where to go with this one. Racism exists, my children will experience it in their lives in ways that I can't. I hope that some of my experiences can help them, but I also need the experiences of people who have experienced "walking in their skin" to help them. I'm a light-skinned woman who has a vested interest in race issues, who is aware of the color of my "world" and who spends time trying to understand race in dialogue and study. I'm also the mother of children with skin of deeper hues but I don't have the generations of knowledge of how to cope with and fight racism without being broken by it.
In the middle.
I have no idea if anyone is reading, and if so who - I don't know my audience. 4 people have talked about the blog in recent history, one of them being Daddy, so I may just be talking to myself. I don't know how to check. If there is a wider audience, I've been ruminating.
I don't want to defend myself. I believe my children needed a parent and I desperately wanted to be their parent. I do want to be introspective, because I can't afford to not try to understand the issue of race better.
My last post could alienate me to both sides. To the people who have lived their whole lives on the island of Caucasia, where travelers from other ethnicities visit but don't live, I'm almost a traitor to acknowledge that racism still exists.
To the people who live on some other islands - by trying to say "I've shared that experience." I've only proved that I don't understand part of the nitty-gritty of their life.
I'm never going to be African American. I'm never going to be Ethiopian. I can't even "pass" for having a gene tie to my children to people of African descent - if he or she says "mom" they say "So, you adopted" and not in the form of a question.
But as their mom I need to work on this gap between white privilege and racism. The disparity between the experiences and treatment. There is no guarantee what types of experiences my children will have, but the world is far from perfect. While I hope the balance is tipped towards the times they feel loved, accepted and included, I know there will be times when they feel left out, different and outside. I need to learn how to help them deal with the things that are unfair.
I don't know where to go with this one. Racism exists, my children will experience it in their lives in ways that I can't. I hope that some of my experiences can help them, but I also need the experiences of people who have experienced "walking in their skin" to help them. I'm a light-skinned woman who has a vested interest in race issues, who is aware of the color of my "world" and who spends time trying to understand race in dialogue and study. I'm also the mother of children with skin of deeper hues but I don't have the generations of knowledge of how to cope with and fight racism without being broken by it.
In the middle.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Racism
I feel like I may have just put my foot in my mouth again. I was reading Tracey's blog, a fellow adoptive mom that I've met in Real Life and I felt compelled to reply to a post.
But did I just sound like an ignorant white?
There are experiences that people of color have because of the systemic racism in society. Things where people act out of wrongly held assumptions, pigheadedness, ignorance and bigotry. Sometimes I feel compelled to say "Me too." I've been mistaken for the store employee: "Do you work here?" irregardless of the color shirt I'm wearing or lack of smock. I don't know what the visual clues are, but I've come across the people who aren't looking for dark skin or textured hair.
Likewise, I've been trailed in stores as a potential shoplifter. Not so much with kids, I like the pretty knick-knack stores. I don't go in them anymore, because they don't work well with a toddler. But I regularly had an employee shadow "Can I HELP you?" while eying where I might have pockets. So I guess it was discrimination against people under 30 who like coats with lots of pockets.
I've been ignored and overlooked because I've been "too young". I've been discredited and discriminated against because of the color of my skin "My mom told me I don't have to listen to a white teacher." And I've been told that a stranger might be a better parent for the child I've cared for because he isn't the same race as me.
I guess what I want to say is that discrimination and mistaken identity - I've been asked if I'm the sponsor for my children - since it was the best explanation for the worker at the international market. She took what she saw and tried to make sense of it. A late twenties light girl with straight hair and an adolescent Ethiopian girl doesn't automatically read as "mother-daughter" for the majority of the population.
We all need to be stretched. We try to understand the world based on what we've known to be true of it in the past. Some people have a lot of mistaken untrue beliefs that they use to filter the world - wrong beliefs about women, people who look different, people who speak with an accent, people who are too young to have the same life experiences or those who have had so much life experience that we think we can discount them because they are outdated.
In addition, so much is misunderstandings. There is overt calculated devaluing of people, there are the subconscious decisions that we make based on what we believe is true. Then there are the accidents, the misinterpretations. Tracey wasn't talking about them in her post, but I live in a life of blunders. Some people of diversity believe it's discrimination when a white person won't look them in the eye in a public place. Then there's me. I don't always have the self-esteem to look strangers in the eye, and I'm just as likely to "snub" the person who looks like my grandmother the same way I just snubbed you. And I've had enough classes and read enough articles and books (WHY do they think it would be in his best interests to be in a different family?) that I know there are people who don't think that I should be their mom... and I don't want to invite a confrontation in case they are a member of the National Association of Black Social Workers.
I know, I'm a wimp. I'd rather not have a negative social interaction so often I choose to avoid social interactions with strangers. Sometimes I force myself into them, I join groups and attend meetings... Very often I do not know what to say to people. Like "Please tell me what I don't know about locks."
I don't have a way to wrap this up, so I'll just leave my ending hanging.
But did I just sound like an ignorant white?
There are experiences that people of color have because of the systemic racism in society. Things where people act out of wrongly held assumptions, pigheadedness, ignorance and bigotry. Sometimes I feel compelled to say "Me too." I've been mistaken for the store employee: "Do you work here?" irregardless of the color shirt I'm wearing or lack of smock. I don't know what the visual clues are, but I've come across the people who aren't looking for dark skin or textured hair.
Likewise, I've been trailed in stores as a potential shoplifter. Not so much with kids, I like the pretty knick-knack stores. I don't go in them anymore, because they don't work well with a toddler. But I regularly had an employee shadow "Can I HELP you?" while eying where I might have pockets. So I guess it was discrimination against people under 30 who like coats with lots of pockets.
I've been ignored and overlooked because I've been "too young". I've been discredited and discriminated against because of the color of my skin "My mom told me I don't have to listen to a white teacher." And I've been told that a stranger might be a better parent for the child I've cared for because he isn't the same race as me.
I guess what I want to say is that discrimination and mistaken identity - I've been asked if I'm the sponsor for my children - since it was the best explanation for the worker at the international market. She took what she saw and tried to make sense of it. A late twenties light girl with straight hair and an adolescent Ethiopian girl doesn't automatically read as "mother-daughter" for the majority of the population.
We all need to be stretched. We try to understand the world based on what we've known to be true of it in the past. Some people have a lot of mistaken untrue beliefs that they use to filter the world - wrong beliefs about women, people who look different, people who speak with an accent, people who are too young to have the same life experiences or those who have had so much life experience that we think we can discount them because they are outdated.
In addition, so much is misunderstandings. There is overt calculated devaluing of people, there are the subconscious decisions that we make based on what we believe is true. Then there are the accidents, the misinterpretations. Tracey wasn't talking about them in her post, but I live in a life of blunders. Some people of diversity believe it's discrimination when a white person won't look them in the eye in a public place. Then there's me. I don't always have the self-esteem to look strangers in the eye, and I'm just as likely to "snub" the person who looks like my grandmother the same way I just snubbed you. And I've had enough classes and read enough articles and books (WHY do they think it would be in his best interests to be in a different family?) that I know there are people who don't think that I should be their mom... and I don't want to invite a confrontation in case they are a member of the National Association of Black Social Workers.
I know, I'm a wimp. I'd rather not have a negative social interaction so often I choose to avoid social interactions with strangers. Sometimes I force myself into them, I join groups and attend meetings... Very often I do not know what to say to people. Like "Please tell me what I don't know about locks."
I don't have a way to wrap this up, so I'll just leave my ending hanging.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Autumn
It's November and I am so completely unprepared for the holidays. I am barely keeping my head above water with school right now (is there a course for how to manage all the stuff that comes with your children being in school so that you're not behind in EVERYTHING or is it just that much easier when you start with one in Kindergarten that people "catch on" faster?)
We're still here, we're getting by. We've done 4 birthdays in the last 3 months and have one to go. Being a scrooge, I asked if we can pick a significant birthday and just let people have parties on the significant birthday - like only for turning 10, 13 and 16 or something. I didn't manage one a month very well. I think the answer was that Daddy will take care of birthday party planning next year.
Her Royal Highness has grown a lot this last year, and only someone who has adopted an older child from a place of malnutrition can understand the fullness of what I'm saying. When you compare her and princess, and princess is wearing her clothing from Jan/Feb, if the waistband is elastic, Princess has a small waist, it's very difficult to comprehend that a person can grown and change that much in such a short time.
Little is on the rampage. It was driving me to despair, but I'm feeling more in control. The nutritionist suggested that it was the terrible twos come late... "Praise the Lord!" because it's healthy and normal. I was so miserable, I wanted her to say "I have a supplement that makes them stop raging like a possessed person." "You're right, he's taking eating too much _______." (You know, blame it on refined sugar, or red dye 40 or something). This couldn't be normal, this must be the result of intense emotional issues and I don't know how to discipline it. I finally googled "terrible twos" and it is descriptive of what we have - the name calling, the toy throwing, the tantrums, the hitting, biting (he bit my thigh yesterday!) the disobedience is described as part of that developmental stage where you realize your own ability to impact the world and your competence to do some things for yourself.
Ai-yi-yi. He would have been much easier to contain and discipline when he was the size of a one year old. But we didn't have terrible twos... there was nothing terrible at all about two. So normal development is necessary and I guess..... this is a .... good.... sign? I suppose at least I can make a plan based on this... terrible twos are a stage that doesn't last forever and there are techniques for dealing with it (although I don't see the advice for when they are breaking the siblings things... or throwing shoes at your head... most 24 month olds don't have the aim that Little does).
Mr. Clean is doing well at school, 1st grade is a good fit for him and the worst he's brought home so far was Halloween stories, which .... would have been nice to skip but at first grade were tame...
Princess forgot her glasses today. I'm partially inclined to believe that there may need to be an "on purpose" after that. Both girls are convinced they don't really need them and try to get out of wearing them. She's fine with 2nd grade math and 1st grade reading/language arts. Social Studies and Science is hard, with vocabulary and "______ dead?"... the concept of the flow of time is not quite there. Regal Highness also has an incredible amount of vocabulary that makes those subjects difficult. We are planning on partially enrolling them for the spring and doing social studies and science at home.
Royal Highness is painfully aware that she's the oldest child in the school... something we didn't expect when we enrolled her. Her classmates are Princess's age mates - at the field trip yesterday Princess "fit" in size wise (although I'm afraid a lot of the information was lost on her... "James mother dead?" Regal Highness replies "George. George Washington." Princess is concerned about if he's dead and how many brothers and sisters he had... I was hoping we'd learn a bit more about the first President of the United States. I think Mr. Clean's learning experience was that Anne's classmates are fun to play soccer with... I guess I should be glad we didn't invest a lot of money in the experience and when we revisit George and his mother Mary there may be a glimmer 0f recognition (like hatchets are a fun birthday gift?).
Tangenting... in our current society, would it even be legal to give a minor a sharpened hatchet as a gift? The toy aisle in Target... sharpened tools with warnings on the packaging saying "Contains sharp parts, not suitable for children under the age of 13." No way I'd give one of my boys an object of destruction to be their very own any time in the next several years... the tour guide asked the student actor what he thought he'd say to his son when he presented the gift... my answer was "Don't use it on the furniture. - oh wait, I'd never give my kids that gift in the first place." Augustine Washington... you definitely lived in a different world than I did. "George, remember you can't take that hatchet on school property, or you could be arrested."
More later... hopefully you won't have to wait 2 months. I thought Daddy was going to be posting to HIS blog in October...
We're still here, we're getting by. We've done 4 birthdays in the last 3 months and have one to go. Being a scrooge, I asked if we can pick a significant birthday and just let people have parties on the significant birthday - like only for turning 10, 13 and 16 or something. I didn't manage one a month very well. I think the answer was that Daddy will take care of birthday party planning next year.
Her Royal Highness has grown a lot this last year, and only someone who has adopted an older child from a place of malnutrition can understand the fullness of what I'm saying. When you compare her and princess, and princess is wearing her clothing from Jan/Feb, if the waistband is elastic, Princess has a small waist, it's very difficult to comprehend that a person can grown and change that much in such a short time.
Little is on the rampage. It was driving me to despair, but I'm feeling more in control. The nutritionist suggested that it was the terrible twos come late... "Praise the Lord!" because it's healthy and normal. I was so miserable, I wanted her to say "I have a supplement that makes them stop raging like a possessed person." "You're right, he's taking eating too much _______." (You know, blame it on refined sugar, or red dye 40 or something). This couldn't be normal, this must be the result of intense emotional issues and I don't know how to discipline it. I finally googled "terrible twos" and it is descriptive of what we have - the name calling, the toy throwing, the tantrums, the hitting, biting (he bit my thigh yesterday!) the disobedience is described as part of that developmental stage where you realize your own ability to impact the world and your competence to do some things for yourself.
Ai-yi-yi. He would have been much easier to contain and discipline when he was the size of a one year old. But we didn't have terrible twos... there was nothing terrible at all about two. So normal development is necessary and I guess..... this is a .... good.... sign? I suppose at least I can make a plan based on this... terrible twos are a stage that doesn't last forever and there are techniques for dealing with it (although I don't see the advice for when they are breaking the siblings things... or throwing shoes at your head... most 24 month olds don't have the aim that Little does).
Mr. Clean is doing well at school, 1st grade is a good fit for him and the worst he's brought home so far was Halloween stories, which .... would have been nice to skip but at first grade were tame...
Princess forgot her glasses today. I'm partially inclined to believe that there may need to be an "on purpose" after that. Both girls are convinced they don't really need them and try to get out of wearing them. She's fine with 2nd grade math and 1st grade reading/language arts. Social Studies and Science is hard, with vocabulary and "______ dead?"... the concept of the flow of time is not quite there. Regal Highness also has an incredible amount of vocabulary that makes those subjects difficult. We are planning on partially enrolling them for the spring and doing social studies and science at home.
Royal Highness is painfully aware that she's the oldest child in the school... something we didn't expect when we enrolled her. Her classmates are Princess's age mates - at the field trip yesterday Princess "fit" in size wise (although I'm afraid a lot of the information was lost on her... "James mother dead?" Regal Highness replies "George. George Washington." Princess is concerned about if he's dead and how many brothers and sisters he had... I was hoping we'd learn a bit more about the first President of the United States. I think Mr. Clean's learning experience was that Anne's classmates are fun to play soccer with... I guess I should be glad we didn't invest a lot of money in the experience and when we revisit George and his mother Mary there may be a glimmer 0f recognition (like hatchets are a fun birthday gift?).
Tangenting... in our current society, would it even be legal to give a minor a sharpened hatchet as a gift? The toy aisle in Target... sharpened tools with warnings on the packaging saying "Contains sharp parts, not suitable for children under the age of 13." No way I'd give one of my boys an object of destruction to be their very own any time in the next several years... the tour guide asked the student actor what he thought he'd say to his son when he presented the gift... my answer was "Don't use it on the furniture. - oh wait, I'd never give my kids that gift in the first place." Augustine Washington... you definitely lived in a different world than I did. "George, remember you can't take that hatchet on school property, or you could be arrested."
More later... hopefully you won't have to wait 2 months. I thought Daddy was going to be posting to HIS blog in October...
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Schooling
Let me begin with a disclaimer - Don't get too excited by the last post. We're in the research phase because we want to reduce the dreaded waiting phase to a bare minimum. This hasn't been so easy that we've got the process down to it's simplicity and we're looking for the challenge.
But God does command His people to care for widows and orphans, and I'm convinced that we are to open our home again at some point (and Daddy votes for "soon" because of retirement).
Regarding schooling.
I am totally convinced that homeschooling is a wonderful, ideal thing. I believe that parents are THE people with the responsibility to make sure their children grow up being taught the important things about life and unfortunately many public schools can not be trusted to help with that job without teaching a lot of bad stuff on the way.
We homeschooled from the time the kids came home (January) through August. Daddy said we were sending them to school and after struggling (my own struggles with pride, rebellion and submission to authority) and giving it over to God I submitted to his lead.
Her Regal Highness (and was she pulling that one off today - submitting to the authority of the parents is hard for anyone her age, the selfishness and pride that make one chafe under authority were rearing their ugly heads) and Princess are attending a University-Model School.
They attend on Tuesdays and Thursday and their teachers at the school hand over the lesson plans for Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays and I teach those days.
Mr. Clean (I wish he could be persuaded that he NEEDS the lotion after the bath instead of fighting it) is attending the local public school.
Little (let's not leave anyone out) is becoming all grown up. Another reason why I need a baby. He's potty-trained. He's talking in complete sentences most of the time. I have a book for him when he wants to "do" school but he's learning quickly and with the shared language teachable moments are everywhere. So he's being homeschooled the way many "2 a haf" year olds who are really almost 4 (yes, he doesn't answer the question "How old are you?" correctly) .
Daddy felt that Mommy and Mr. Clean needed space from each other. And he was right. Despite my convictions that I was supposed to be his best and primary teacher there's a whole lot of dynamics that work better in this family with us having our separate spaces for a portion of the day. And the public school came highly recommended from various sources. We were going to send Princess there, until ESOL talked about putting her in 3rd grade.
Which is lovely about their school. Princess is in 2nd grade and attends 1st grade for Language Arts. We're actually mostly on her comprehension level although her math computation skills are away and beyond the curriculum (but it's good to have something be easy and gives her the space to learn things like graphs and word problems). Her Regal Highness is in 4th grade (she told her Dad that she is bigger than any of the other girls in 4th-6th grade) but the work is largely on her level as well (Language Arts being the difficult thing - but it's sticky to put a girl who's hit puberty and stands over 5' in 3rd grade).
So my life has calmed down. I no longer fear the tantrums because I know that I have the space and resources to deal with them. I don't have to be "on alert" for large portions of the day because of inter-child dynamics.
I hated the idea of sending my children away to school because I knew I was capable of homeschooling and I believed it was the best option for anyone who was capable of it. The thing was, while I have the training and know how to teach, I don't have the emotional and I guess psychological reserves to parent high structure high nurture and teach with all 4 in the same place. There are too many needs that people want met RIGHT NOW and after a certain amount of stress the nurture flies out the window and you have crazy Mommy.
I think we found the right balance. There are still days that are crazy, but I believe at this time God has called us to use the support of public and private school educators to teach our children. I didn't think I would be able to entrust my children to a public school especially after my experience teaching here. (Unfortunately when we taught there it was a poster school for all that can go wrong with public education in the US. Looking at some of the recent data -I left the school after the 00-01 school year - things have improved).
So that's what we're doing here. Today I worked with the girls and spent some time with Little without too many outbursts from any of them and no hitting or kicking that I know of during the hours that Mr. Clean was at school. I don't have to worry about what to teach him or how to motivate him and now that I don't have to make him do his assignments (because the ones from school are easy/fun and/or it's a lot more fun to please your teacher than your Mommy) he has fewer opportunities for defiance and chooses not to be defiant more of the time (instead he has so much to tell me about what happened that day in 1st grade). The girls have the individual teaching time that they need to learn the subject matter in a new language. And Little and I have 2 days a week at a slower pace which makes both of us more sane.
So -that's what happened with school.
But God does command His people to care for widows and orphans, and I'm convinced that we are to open our home again at some point (and Daddy votes for "soon" because of retirement).
Regarding schooling.
I am totally convinced that homeschooling is a wonderful, ideal thing. I believe that parents are THE people with the responsibility to make sure their children grow up being taught the important things about life and unfortunately many public schools can not be trusted to help with that job without teaching a lot of bad stuff on the way.
We homeschooled from the time the kids came home (January) through August. Daddy said we were sending them to school and after struggling (my own struggles with pride, rebellion and submission to authority) and giving it over to God I submitted to his lead.
Her Regal Highness (and was she pulling that one off today - submitting to the authority of the parents is hard for anyone her age, the selfishness and pride that make one chafe under authority were rearing their ugly heads) and Princess are attending a University-Model School.
They attend on Tuesdays and Thursday and their teachers at the school hand over the lesson plans for Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays and I teach those days.
Mr. Clean (I wish he could be persuaded that he NEEDS the lotion after the bath instead of fighting it) is attending the local public school.
Little (let's not leave anyone out) is becoming all grown up. Another reason why I need a baby. He's potty-trained. He's talking in complete sentences most of the time. I have a book for him when he wants to "do" school but he's learning quickly and with the shared language teachable moments are everywhere. So he's being homeschooled the way many "2 a haf" year olds who are really almost 4 (yes, he doesn't answer the question "How old are you?" correctly) .
Daddy felt that Mommy and Mr. Clean needed space from each other. And he was right. Despite my convictions that I was supposed to be his best and primary teacher there's a whole lot of dynamics that work better in this family with us having our separate spaces for a portion of the day. And the public school came highly recommended from various sources. We were going to send Princess there, until ESOL talked about putting her in 3rd grade.
Which is lovely about their school. Princess is in 2nd grade and attends 1st grade for Language Arts. We're actually mostly on her comprehension level although her math computation skills are away and beyond the curriculum (but it's good to have something be easy and gives her the space to learn things like graphs and word problems). Her Regal Highness is in 4th grade (she told her Dad that she is bigger than any of the other girls in 4th-6th grade) but the work is largely on her level as well (Language Arts being the difficult thing - but it's sticky to put a girl who's hit puberty and stands over 5' in 3rd grade).
So my life has calmed down. I no longer fear the tantrums because I know that I have the space and resources to deal with them. I don't have to be "on alert" for large portions of the day because of inter-child dynamics.
I hated the idea of sending my children away to school because I knew I was capable of homeschooling and I believed it was the best option for anyone who was capable of it. The thing was, while I have the training and know how to teach, I don't have the emotional and I guess psychological reserves to parent high structure high nurture and teach with all 4 in the same place. There are too many needs that people want met RIGHT NOW and after a certain amount of stress the nurture flies out the window and you have crazy Mommy.
I think we found the right balance. There are still days that are crazy, but I believe at this time God has called us to use the support of public and private school educators to teach our children. I didn't think I would be able to entrust my children to a public school especially after my experience teaching here. (Unfortunately when we taught there it was a poster school for all that can go wrong with public education in the US. Looking at some of the recent data -I left the school after the 00-01 school year - things have improved).
So that's what we're doing here. Today I worked with the girls and spent some time with Little without too many outbursts from any of them and no hitting or kicking that I know of during the hours that Mr. Clean was at school. I don't have to worry about what to teach him or how to motivate him and now that I don't have to make him do his assignments (because the ones from school are easy/fun and/or it's a lot more fun to please your teacher than your Mommy) he has fewer opportunities for defiance and chooses not to be defiant more of the time (instead he has so much to tell me about what happened that day in 1st grade). The girls have the individual teaching time that they need to learn the subject matter in a new language. And Little and I have 2 days a week at a slower pace which makes both of us more sane.
So -that's what happened with school.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
It takes extra effort
Tonight I was at a Bethany information session for domestic infant adoptions. (Yes, if anyone missed the memo, we were not planning to be finished after adoption number 2. We believe there are more children waiting to be in our family, and we're hoping to be able to shop the toddler dress section of the stores with this next one (nothing against boys, but we've been yearning to have someone at our house that can wear those epiphanies of cuteness).
So all of the families were (disappointingly) of European descent. Two of the four families represented are incredibly interested in pursuing Bethany's Embryo Adoption program. I was the only one there who had previously adopted, and transracially at that. I was asked for my opinions.
The summary of what I said: Don't be afraid of it, but research it before you do it.
On the drive home I thought about it more.
Children need parents. Any parent who is called to can parent a child in the respect of giving love, meeting needs and teaching them the Gospel. Depending on the child adopted (I'm thinking some older children/special needs adoptions) some of that parenting may not be accepted but it can be given irrespective of what the parent or child looks like.
But there is a respect that a white parent can not teach a child how to be black. There are questions about identity and belonging that can only be answered by the community that the child belongs to only with respect to their appearance (Daddy may just have to post his dissenting opinion on this one). Fully understanding how society defines and reacts to my children based on their appearance and how to respond to it in healthy ways just can not be taught just by me - there is some aspects of coping and learning that I just can't teach second or third hand no matter how many books I read or people I talk to.
Which made me think: Parenting transracially takes a little more effort. Most of us, I believe, parent intuitively - we parent the way we were parented, adding in some of the good techniques we saw our friends or relatives model, consciously trying to not repeat the mistakes that may have been trained into us.
But we have generations of children who were parented that way - by parents of a different culture than they were. And some things worked and others didn't. By and large the literature tells us that the parents can't just do it the way they inherited, they need to do some research, work a little harder.
You may have to consciously think about the race of who you use for a doctor or dentist. You have to be conscious of your social experiences and at times push to network yourself with people who are going to help reflect your child back to him or her in a way that you can't. (I truly think that until we find our image from Godwe rely on what others show us about who we are.) We see this with single parents needing a same-gender role model to interact with their children -there are aspects of identity that need to passed first hand.
I graduated from high school and college with people who may go to their grave having no ill effects of having no idea who Menelik I, Meles Zenawi, or the original the original Ras Tafari were/are. They may never be able to locate Djibouti, Mauritania, or the Gambia are on an unmarked map.
But my kids deserve that I know more. They deserve that I research. That I read the voices of adoptees like Jaiya John and of African Americans who have struggled with race in the United States. They deserve to have friends of the family in all colors and if it doesn't happen naturally then it needs to happen ON PURPOSE. By going to Mocha Moms by seeking for churches that don't just hope multiculturalism will happen but work to build those relationships.
Otherwise, if I don't put in that extra effort, the reflection all they'll see from me is my heritage and it won't all ring true for them. When they look for a reflection back they'll know that the light skin and straight hair doesn't tell the whole story of who they are. They don't need me to be black but they need me to give them the tools and stepping stones to define themselves - whether as Ethiopians, Africans, Blacks, African-Americans, Ethiopian-Americans or some other title.
The healthiest transracial adoptees that I've learned of and come across are those who have the benefit of being bi-cultural. They have the literacy and skills to be comfortable in both the racial cultures (as ambiguous as that is) of their biological AND adoptive families. I mourn for those who have to fight for that place of belonging in one or the other as they get older because they have felt disenfranchised from both. I want to give the first scenario to my children but it requires more than the education I already hold within me. I have to work harder to help them find that place of dual citizenship.
Someone at the meeting asked how the older children felt about being transracially adopted. I hadn't really had that discussion with them, so I asked my eldest when I came home. Her first answer was "bad temper" and then she asked me to repeat the question and apologized when she realized what she had said. (Bad temper is a standby reply in this house.)
For anyone considering transracial adoption Her Royal Highness says "Just do it, don't ask questions."
So all of the families were (disappointingly) of European descent. Two of the four families represented are incredibly interested in pursuing Bethany's Embryo Adoption program. I was the only one there who had previously adopted, and transracially at that. I was asked for my opinions.
The summary of what I said: Don't be afraid of it, but research it before you do it.
On the drive home I thought about it more.
Children need parents. Any parent who is called to can parent a child in the respect of giving love, meeting needs and teaching them the Gospel. Depending on the child adopted (I'm thinking some older children/special needs adoptions) some of that parenting may not be accepted but it can be given irrespective of what the parent or child looks like.
But there is a respect that a white parent can not teach a child how to be black. There are questions about identity and belonging that can only be answered by the community that the child belongs to only with respect to their appearance (Daddy may just have to post his dissenting opinion on this one). Fully understanding how society defines and reacts to my children based on their appearance and how to respond to it in healthy ways just can not be taught just by me - there is some aspects of coping and learning that I just can't teach second or third hand no matter how many books I read or people I talk to.
Which made me think: Parenting transracially takes a little more effort. Most of us, I believe, parent intuitively - we parent the way we were parented, adding in some of the good techniques we saw our friends or relatives model, consciously trying to not repeat the mistakes that may have been trained into us.
But we have generations of children who were parented that way - by parents of a different culture than they were. And some things worked and others didn't. By and large the literature tells us that the parents can't just do it the way they inherited, they need to do some research, work a little harder.
You may have to consciously think about the race of who you use for a doctor or dentist. You have to be conscious of your social experiences and at times push to network yourself with people who are going to help reflect your child back to him or her in a way that you can't. (I truly think that until we find our image from Godwe rely on what others show us about who we are.) We see this with single parents needing a same-gender role model to interact with their children -there are aspects of identity that need to passed first hand.
I graduated from high school and college with people who may go to their grave having no ill effects of having no idea who Menelik I, Meles Zenawi, or the original the original Ras Tafari were/are. They may never be able to locate Djibouti, Mauritania, or the Gambia are on an unmarked map.
But my kids deserve that I know more. They deserve that I research. That I read the voices of adoptees like Jaiya John and of African Americans who have struggled with race in the United States. They deserve to have friends of the family in all colors and if it doesn't happen naturally then it needs to happen ON PURPOSE. By going to Mocha Moms by seeking for churches that don't just hope multiculturalism will happen but work to build those relationships.
Otherwise, if I don't put in that extra effort, the reflection all they'll see from me is my heritage and it won't all ring true for them. When they look for a reflection back they'll know that the light skin and straight hair doesn't tell the whole story of who they are. They don't need me to be black but they need me to give them the tools and stepping stones to define themselves - whether as Ethiopians, Africans, Blacks, African-Americans, Ethiopian-Americans or some other title.
The healthiest transracial adoptees that I've learned of and come across are those who have the benefit of being bi-cultural. They have the literacy and skills to be comfortable in both the racial cultures (as ambiguous as that is) of their biological AND adoptive families. I mourn for those who have to fight for that place of belonging in one or the other as they get older because they have felt disenfranchised from both. I want to give the first scenario to my children but it requires more than the education I already hold within me. I have to work harder to help them find that place of dual citizenship.
Someone at the meeting asked how the older children felt about being transracially adopted. I hadn't really had that discussion with them, so I asked my eldest when I came home. Her first answer was "bad temper" and then she asked me to repeat the question and apologized when she realized what she had said. (Bad temper is a standby reply in this house.)
For anyone considering transracial adoption Her Royal Highness says "Just do it, don't ask questions."
Monday, July 2, 2007
Out of duty
Because I love reading everyone else's blogs, I have a debt to the blog readers everywhere to update this blog sometime. It WAS Daddy's blog, but someone has to do it. As for pictures, my camera is broken and Daddy's has too much memory - we have no recent photos uploaded.
We're enjoying the swimming pool and visiting family. Mommy and Daddy wish there was more time to visit friends, but right now we're busy enough with family visits. We are looking forward to seeing some CWA Ethiopia families in August (I am REALLY excited).
We are sending the children to school next year. Daddy has always promised several things about educating our children
Her Regal Highness's application went off today for a University Model School where we are planning on her going. All 3 children really value "school" although by April the girls understood a little about why homeschooling was a good thing. She'll have to take placement tests, but then I'll teach her M,W,F at home and she'll attend there Tu, Th. Hopefully that way it won't be too frustrating for her and we are still the major influence in her life time-wise.
And the hope of Daddy is that Mommy can be a better influence. Mommy has had a short temper of late and he is tired of Mommy needing to defuse the stresses of the day. He'd like some days for Mommy not to be fuming when he comes home. So, 3 days a week with only 2 children at home for several hours, and the better ability to defuse situations (1 to 4 you are so very outnumbered, especially when they are learning your standards of behavior). Then 3 days a week there will only be Little at home, and we're hoping he can destress (google says it isn't a word, but I know that unstress isn't either, and calm down isn't right either, because he's a boy and he's 3 1/2 ... calm down won't happen for what... another 30 years?).
We're also hoping that some time apart can change some less desired family dynamics between the kids and make the times they are together happier - they may enjoy each others' company when they don't have to be in it so much.
Pray for the transition to school. Pray for them to have the right teachers who can meet their needs. Pray for Mommy and Daddy to know the best way to support them and make choices for their education.
Mommy
We're enjoying the swimming pool and visiting family. Mommy and Daddy wish there was more time to visit friends, but right now we're busy enough with family visits. We are looking forward to seeing some CWA Ethiopia families in August (I am REALLY excited).
We are sending the children to school next year. Daddy has always promised several things about educating our children
- They would spend at least one year in a brick and mortar school.
- They would never attend a public middle or high school.
- They would never ride the school bus.
Her Regal Highness's application went off today for a University Model School where we are planning on her going. All 3 children really value "school" although by April the girls understood a little about why homeschooling was a good thing. She'll have to take placement tests, but then I'll teach her M,W,F at home and she'll attend there Tu, Th. Hopefully that way it won't be too frustrating for her and we are still the major influence in her life time-wise.
And the hope of Daddy is that Mommy can be a better influence. Mommy has had a short temper of late and he is tired of Mommy needing to defuse the stresses of the day. He'd like some days for Mommy not to be fuming when he comes home. So, 3 days a week with only 2 children at home for several hours, and the better ability to defuse situations (1 to 4 you are so very outnumbered, especially when they are learning your standards of behavior). Then 3 days a week there will only be Little at home, and we're hoping he can destress (google says it isn't a word, but I know that unstress isn't either, and calm down isn't right either, because he's a boy and he's 3 1/2 ... calm down won't happen for what... another 30 years?).
We're also hoping that some time apart can change some less desired family dynamics between the kids and make the times they are together happier - they may enjoy each others' company when they don't have to be in it so much.
Pray for the transition to school. Pray for them to have the right teachers who can meet their needs. Pray for Mommy and Daddy to know the best way to support them and make choices for their education.
Mommy
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
God provides
Hey everyone! How are you all doing? Sorry we're not too good at the updating thing, finding computer time is challenging at times for me.
Today, however, I'm catching up. Because my kids are, as much as I loathe it, having a television marathon.
Why? Because I'm trying to keep my foot elevated and I want to keep my hopping around the house to a minimum.
Yesterday I stepped on a stair that wasn't there. When all of my pounds came down on the foot 2 steps farther down... there was a problem.
But God provided. God is good all the time, and some of you will be challenged in this being provision, but hear me out. That morning I actually HAD quiet time. I asked God to order my day and to guide the timin gof my husband's special mission (which I didn't want him to go on....)
Well, he was home to switch cars and hadn't left yet when I fell. He was able to help me get ice - a mission that I don't think would've been successful with just my kids.... I would've gotten lots of hugs, worried looks, and people tripping over me, as well as anxiety and frustration. Yes, praise the Father above, He gave me someone who spoke English and could carry out the task requested (Little would have understood but been unable to carry out the task, I would've probably had a flavor-ice or frozen chicken to put on my foot)
Daddy took 2 children with him on his mission, leaving me with just 2 - to take on an errand and then decide that my foot hurt A LOT and that I'd go to the doctor.
He took an xray and nothing's broken, gave me a prescription for naproxen sodium and a pain killer and told me to keep it elevated and iced.
It feels fine if I don't put any weight on it, or if the cat doesn't think I have it sticking out for rubbing against - there have been several yelps from that cause today that have sent children into a panic.
Speaking of cats - did you know that we have a 4th cat? He's 26 pounds and can walk on his hind legs when he chooses. He also likes to put marbles and erasers in his mouth. Little enjoys being petted behind his ears and along his chin, and even purrs when he is happy - it's quite convincing. So convincing that he wanted to understand what the cat was doing that made Mommy yelp and wanted to try it too - he wants to have the cat thing down.
What else did I want to say? My children are beautiful. I wish we could communicate better. Homeschooling is going fairly well, except today when Little wasn't being a cat he was misbehaving and needed intervention. So we aborted school early. We're doing Math U See for all 3 - Princess (#2) moved into Beta this week, Her Regal Highness (#1) is jealous and trying to finish up Delta and Mr. Clean (I have a 6 yo boy who initiates a bath almost daily and changes his underwear twice a day.... ) is behaving his age.... he'll do it if he thinks it's fun and fight it if it isn't. We bought the A Beka 1st grade Health and Social Studies, and Her Highness is reading them for reading time - a good fit I think - more practical and enjoyable than some of the other things we tried.
That's all for now....
Mommy
Today, however, I'm catching up. Because my kids are, as much as I loathe it, having a television marathon.
Why? Because I'm trying to keep my foot elevated and I want to keep my hopping around the house to a minimum.
Yesterday I stepped on a stair that wasn't there. When all of my
But God provided. God is good all the time, and some of you will be challenged in this being provision, but hear me out. That morning I actually HAD quiet time. I asked God to order my day and to guide the timin gof my husband's special mission (which I didn't want him to go on....)
Well, he was home to switch cars and hadn't left yet when I fell. He was able to help me get ice - a mission that I don't think would've been successful with just my kids.... I would've gotten lots of hugs, worried looks, and people tripping over me, as well as anxiety and frustration. Yes, praise the Father above, He gave me someone who spoke English and could carry out the task requested (Little would have understood but been unable to carry out the task, I would've probably had a flavor-ice or frozen chicken to put on my foot)
Daddy took 2 children with him on his mission, leaving me with just 2 - to take on an errand and then decide that my foot hurt A LOT and that I'd go to the doctor.
He took an xray and nothing's broken, gave me a prescription for naproxen sodium and a pain killer and told me to keep it elevated and iced.
It feels fine if I don't put any weight on it, or if the cat doesn't think I have it sticking out for rubbing against - there have been several yelps from that cause today that have sent children into a panic.
Speaking of cats - did you know that we have a 4th cat? He's 26 pounds and can walk on his hind legs when he chooses. He also likes to put marbles and erasers in his mouth. Little enjoys being petted behind his ears and along his chin, and even purrs when he is happy - it's quite convincing. So convincing that he wanted to understand what the cat was doing that made Mommy yelp and wanted to try it too - he wants to have the cat thing down.
What else did I want to say? My children are beautiful. I wish we could communicate better. Homeschooling is going fairly well, except today when Little wasn't being a cat he was misbehaving and needed intervention. So we aborted school early. We're doing Math U See for all 3 - Princess (#2) moved into Beta this week, Her Regal Highness (#1) is jealous and trying to finish up Delta and Mr. Clean (I have a 6 yo boy who initiates a bath almost daily and changes his underwear twice a day.... ) is behaving his age.... he'll do it if he thinks it's fun and fight it if it isn't. We bought the A Beka 1st grade Health and Social Studies, and Her Highness is reading them for reading time - a good fit I think - more practical and enjoyable than some of the other things we tried.
That's all for now....
Mommy
Monday, April 9, 2007
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Happy Easter
Since we all know that Easter is about dying eggs and wearing new (or barely worn in the case where some of us can't afford to buy 6 new sets) clothing, here are some pictures to commemorate:
I tried to get some egg models and was about 50% successful:
I tried to get some egg models and was about 50% successful:
Friday, March 30, 2007
Hi everyone!
I haven't written here for a while - I've just been too busy!
I'm not going to write tonight either, but here are some pictures - these are mostly what what was included in our 3 month report for Ethiopia.
I'm not going to write tonight either, but here are some pictures - these are mostly what what was included in our 3 month report for Ethiopia.
Monday, February 5, 2007
The Mommy voice
Well, I finally read what Daddy posted, and I want to tell you my side, because my perspective is different. I am responsible for just this post ;)
I wasn't surprised by Addis Ababa. I've spent the last year reading adoptive parent blogs, and blogs of people living and working in the city. It was pretty much exactly what I expected, in fact, I was surprised I didn't see MORE street people and beggars, but if we had gone out more or to different places that probably would have been different.
I really enjoyed the trip and plan to go back, and plan to travel to Wolaita when we do. There were times that were very tired or exasperating, and this experience definitely has taken me to the end of myself.
That beginning was typed the day Desi emailed me that I needed to post. It's taken me over a week to finish, here's the rest for now.
In a way, I feel incredibly humbled that God loves me so much that he wants to purify me so specifically. These kids really bring me to the bottom of what I have and now that they're repeating me, I know have a synopsis of what my parenting sounds like, which is.... educational.
Your devotional thought for the day:
Before the children came home we had an assortment of clothing of different sizes, some given as gifts/donations, some hand me downs, some we bought. We didn't know how big the kids would be (and I'm still a bit vague on one of them... but I'm narrowing it down). So their drawers had a variety of clothing in them.
After coming home Daddy received more girl clothing from a friend at work. I wanted to go through it and get the clothing that didn't fit out of their dressers and give them clothing that did fit.
I could NOT get the girls to give up anything in their dresser, and in fact I had to reconfiscate clothing they had plundered from the bag for our goddaughter. Clothing for a 6 year old in the dresser for an 8 and 12 year old, and I have clothing that will FIT them and they won't let me take out the clothing that doesn't for the clothing that does.
This verse and this experience are profound in their truth. And it brings to me an incredible Bible study lesson that God gave to Elaine Snow. I won't do it justice, but it is the one lesson from Ladies' Bible study at Mount Oak that I remember vividly. She gave all the ladies a lovely carnation. It was beautiful. But at the end, she had roses. But we had to give up the carnation at the altar to receive the rose. So often in our spiritual life we hold onto the good thing, or the thing that looks beautiful to us, or the thing we are familiar with. We are scared to let go of that thing even with the promise that God holds something better for us.
I was one of the last people to go up to the altar to let go of my carnation and I had to spend a lot of time there weeping, repenting and comprehending before I could give it up, because this lesson was so true to me. I don't want to let go of what I have (we have a storage unit to prove it). I know in my head that if God says to let go that He has something better but everything else in me wants to hold onto the good thing instead of letting go in faith for the better thing. I am so scared to lose what I have.
Yeah - the skirt may be glittery, green may be a color you love - but is that a reason to hold onto something and prevent you from the "good gifts" that your Father wants to give to you?
Love you all,
Mommy
I wasn't surprised by Addis Ababa. I've spent the last year reading adoptive parent blogs, and blogs of people living and working in the city. It was pretty much exactly what I expected, in fact, I was surprised I didn't see MORE street people and beggars, but if we had gone out more or to different places that probably would have been different.
I really enjoyed the trip and plan to go back, and plan to travel to Wolaita when we do. There were times that were very tired or exasperating, and this experience definitely has taken me to the end of myself.
That beginning was typed the day Desi emailed me that I needed to post. It's taken me over a week to finish, here's the rest for now.
In a way, I feel incredibly humbled that God loves me so much that he wants to purify me so specifically. These kids really bring me to the bottom of what I have and now that they're repeating me, I know have a synopsis of what my parenting sounds like, which is.... educational.
Your devotional thought for the day:
Before the children came home we had an assortment of clothing of different sizes, some given as gifts/donations, some hand me downs, some we bought. We didn't know how big the kids would be (and I'm still a bit vague on one of them... but I'm narrowing it down). So their drawers had a variety of clothing in them.
After coming home Daddy received more girl clothing from a friend at work. I wanted to go through it and get the clothing that didn't fit out of their dressers and give them clothing that did fit.
I could NOT get the girls to give up anything in their dresser, and in fact I had to reconfiscate clothing they had plundered from the bag for our goddaughter. Clothing for a 6 year old in the dresser for an 8 and 12 year old, and I have clothing that will FIT them and they won't let me take out the clothing that doesn't for the clothing that does.
Matthew 7:9-11
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
This verse and this experience are profound in their truth. And it brings to me an incredible Bible study lesson that God gave to Elaine Snow. I won't do it justice, but it is the one lesson from Ladies' Bible study at Mount Oak that I remember vividly. She gave all the ladies a lovely carnation. It was beautiful. But at the end, she had roses. But we had to give up the carnation at the altar to receive the rose. So often in our spiritual life we hold onto the good thing, or the thing that looks beautiful to us, or the thing we are familiar with. We are scared to let go of that thing even with the promise that God holds something better for us.
I was one of the last people to go up to the altar to let go of my carnation and I had to spend a lot of time there weeping, repenting and comprehending before I could give it up, because this lesson was so true to me. I don't want to let go of what I have (we have a storage unit to prove it). I know in my head that if God says to let go that He has something better but everything else in me wants to hold onto the good thing instead of letting go in faith for the better thing. I am so scared to lose what I have.
1 John 4:18-19
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us.
I need to work on learning that perfect love. All of us do to one extent or another because we first learn about love from imperfect humans. And no matter how lovely the people around us are, every one of us has reasons in us to not trust perfectly which we carry into our relationship with God.
Yeah - the skirt may be glittery, green may be a color you love - but is that a reason to hold onto something and prevent you from the "good gifts" that your Father wants to give to you?
Love you all,
Mommy
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Well, today I don't feel like a total failure
Not that I ever felt like a "total" failure, just a partial failure :) Anyway, things seemed to work today, so maybe we are getting into enough of a rhythm that the kids know what to expect, or at least they've picked up enough English that we aren't totally confusing to them all the time.
Jesse's actually been the worst one :) I honestly can't say if it's just that he's being the way he's always been, but with 3 other kids to worry about, it's just too much, or if he's purposely being worse, but hopefully that behavior will go away.
The kids seem to be getting along with Jesse well - although they still want to spend a lot of time alone with just the three of them - I figure we might as well give them some space every now and then.
Now if we can only get them to sleep past 4:30 AM... Today's strategy was to give them coffee (buna) with supper and hope they'd stay up later and maybe sleep until 6 at least. I tried my hand at home roasting, and actually came up with something better than most anything I've gotten in a store. I ordered a real roaster today, since the shaking a pan for 10 minutes method gets old :) Sela actually complimented me on the coffee, and on the steak I made (although Fasil didn't eat much of his).
More later, as there's something to say :)
Jesse's actually been the worst one :) I honestly can't say if it's just that he's being the way he's always been, but with 3 other kids to worry about, it's just too much, or if he's purposely being worse, but hopefully that behavior will go away.
The kids seem to be getting along with Jesse well - although they still want to spend a lot of time alone with just the three of them - I figure we might as well give them some space every now and then.
Now if we can only get them to sleep past 4:30 AM... Today's strategy was to give them coffee (buna) with supper and hope they'd stay up later and maybe sleep until 6 at least. I tried my hand at home roasting, and actually came up with something better than most anything I've gotten in a store. I ordered a real roaster today, since the shaking a pan for 10 minutes method gets old :) Sela actually complimented me on the coffee, and on the steak I made (although Fasil didn't eat much of his).
More later, as there's something to say :)
Monday, January 29, 2007
About our trip
I think that visiting Addis Abbaba was a good experience, and I guess I'm too comfortable with my privileged life here because most of the time I was more interested in how long until I could "get back home" than in what I could do to help . I hope that some of what I saw sticks with me when I'm about to make my next spending decision and maybe there is a way that I can help.
I guess the problem is that it's so overwhelming. People can talk about it, but unless you experience it, it's not really comprehensible. No words could have expressed any of what I experienced - both in the sheer scale of poverty in Addis, and in the process of picking up children you have never met before and being told that they are your kids.
We arrived Sunday night, and picked up the kids on Monday. We went to the embassy on Tuesday (very long wait) and then out to dinner with the other families in Addis and the CWA staff. On Wednesday, we waited for our kids visas and then on Thursday and Friday we went out shopping with one of my co-worker's brothers, and met a couple other members of their family. Saturday was spent at the care center, and Sunday we went to a local (English speaking) church and then flew out.
Unfortunately, I spent most of the trip feeling a bit sick (I have a weak stomach in the best of conditions, and eating unfamiliar food in unfamiliar circumstances isn't my "cup of tea".) I hope the kids can be gracious once they see me "in my element" and realize that I'm not always like that :) Two of the kids have pretty bad coughs and I managed to get a pretty bad sore throat yesterday that hit me just as we were trying to board, and isn't much better. Lack of sleep is probably the main cause for it not getting better.
I'm sure the kids are jet-lagged. The plane ride back was almost entirely dark and there was a horrid head wind - 150 mph almost the entire way across the Atlantic until we hit the Gulf of Maine. I'm pretty dead here too, and think I'm going to take a nap.
I guess the problem is that it's so overwhelming. People can talk about it, but unless you experience it, it's not really comprehensible. No words could have expressed any of what I experienced - both in the sheer scale of poverty in Addis, and in the process of picking up children you have never met before and being told that they are your kids.
We arrived Sunday night, and picked up the kids on Monday. We went to the embassy on Tuesday (very long wait) and then out to dinner with the other families in Addis and the CWA staff. On Wednesday, we waited for our kids visas and then on Thursday and Friday we went out shopping with one of my co-worker's brothers, and met a couple other members of their family. Saturday was spent at the care center, and Sunday we went to a local (English speaking) church and then flew out.
Unfortunately, I spent most of the trip feeling a bit sick (I have a weak stomach in the best of conditions, and eating unfamiliar food in unfamiliar circumstances isn't my "cup of tea".) I hope the kids can be gracious once they see me "in my element" and realize that I'm not always like that :) Two of the kids have pretty bad coughs and I managed to get a pretty bad sore throat yesterday that hit me just as we were trying to board, and isn't much better. Lack of sleep is probably the main cause for it not getting better.
I'm sure the kids are jet-lagged. The plane ride back was almost entirely dark and there was a horrid head wind - 150 mph almost the entire way across the Atlantic until we hit the Gulf of Maine. I'm pretty dead here too, and think I'm going to take a nap.
Back in the USA!
Lots to say, but anyway, we're back!
We've decided that Micah just doesn't work for Fasil, and Selamawit doesn't seem that amenable to a name change at this point :) Anyway, here's a couple pictures I took.
At the care center:
Shopping (not their favorite thing to do):
We've decided that Micah just doesn't work for Fasil, and Selamawit doesn't seem that amenable to a name change at this point :) Anyway, here's a couple pictures I took.
At the care center:
Shopping (not their favorite thing to do):
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Ready to Fly!
It's hard to believe that we're about to drive to the airport, sit in a plane for 16 hours and end up in a place we've never been, and the next morning, be given custody of "our kids" whom we've never met.
The bags are mostly packed - hopefully we'll have enough room to bring back everything in our van with the kids in it. We have extra bags packed for souvenirs, etc, and we'll be bringing some stuff back for a co-worker whose family lives in Addis.
Had to run to the store this morning to get a new suitcase since we couldn't fit everything in the 4 biggest ones we had. Not knowing exactly what size the kids are complicates things, so we've probably over packed on their clothing.
Trips to visit family will be infinitely more interesting from now on :)
The bags are mostly packed - hopefully we'll have enough room to bring back everything in our van with the kids in it. We have extra bags packed for souvenirs, etc, and we'll be bringing some stuff back for a co-worker whose family lives in Addis.
Had to run to the store this morning to get a new suitcase since we couldn't fit everything in the 4 biggest ones we had. Not knowing exactly what size the kids are complicates things, so we've probably over packed on their clothing.
Trips to visit family will be infinitely more interesting from now on :)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Pictures
Here are some pictures :) Since there are other people's kids in the new pictures, we cropped them out so only our kids are visible. :)
For comparison purposes, I've included an older picture of each kid. The old picture is the one on the left, and you've probably all seen them before.
You'll have to scroll down - I don't know why
Here's Alee, looking a bit unhappy: | |
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Here's Beth, looking happy and with slightly better hair: | |
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Here's Micah, looking skinny: | |
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Friday, January 12, 2007
Saving Money
Alee's birth certificate has her only 11, not over 12, as originally thought, which is great because she now qualifies for child air-fare! I expressed her ticket back to the agent yesterday and got it reissued. It cost me $30ish to send it (had to use Fed-Ex because it was the only carrier who hadn't picked up, and with Monday being a holiday, waiting to send it today would have been risky), but I saved about $250, so it was worth it :)
I talked to an Ethiopian friend at work today - ok, I talk to her several times a week, but today's conversation specifically is that she is going to see what she can find me to do in Addis with our kids, and where good places to shop would be. She hasn't lived there for a few years, so she asked her family to think about it and she'll give me info next week. She recommends bringing home lots of Teff, since it's hard to find here, and expensive when you do find it. Hopefully they won't have a problem with that. She also said to buy un-roasted coffee, not roasted to bring home. I was already planning on getting 40 lbs or so of coffee, since I certainly won't be able to beat the price!
I talked to an Ethiopian friend at work today - ok, I talk to her several times a week, but today's conversation specifically is that she is going to see what she can find me to do in Addis with our kids, and where good places to shop would be. She hasn't lived there for a few years, so she asked her family to think about it and she'll give me info next week. She recommends bringing home lots of Teff, since it's hard to find here, and expensive when you do find it. Hopefully they won't have a problem with that. She also said to buy un-roasted coffee, not roasted to bring home. I was already planning on getting 40 lbs or so of coffee, since I certainly won't be able to beat the price!
Monday, January 8, 2007
News
Ok, heard today that 23rd really is our embassy date, as predicted. We were already preparing, but it feels a bit more frenzied now - only 1 1/2 weeks left until we leave!
Sunday, January 7, 2007
No new news yet
Ok, so you ask "why bother posting to tell us nothing?" Well, lots of people ask "have you heard anything else yet?", so this is my corporate way of saying "nope!".
Based on the info we have about people who had court dates close to ours, we still think that our embassy date will be the 23rd, and because we had to make a decision for travel, we've purchased and paid for our tickets. What an ordeal finding a credit card that had enough credit limit to pay for 2 round trip and 3 one way tickets to / from Ethiopia! - took about 3 tries and a couple calls to my bank... had the money in my checking account, but they won't authorize over $1000 at a time. I found another card we hadn't used for a while - it still had our old address - and it seems that they raised our credit limit since we last used it, and it was high enough to pay for the tickets. Praise God that got taken care of before we lost them!
We're still coming back 2 days late since the flight we wanted was booked, but we're wait listed, and may possibly get in for the earlier return date. They were able to get 3 seats, but the way the tickets are booked, we can't split up the parents, so 1 parent taking 1 or 2 of the kids home separately from the other(s) wasn't an option.
Anyway, I didn't update this sooner because I have been pretty sick since Wednesday on the drive home from work with major sinus congestion / dizzyness (missing 2 days of work in a row - which is something I can't recall ever happening in the past 7 years). I get these sinus infections almost every year, but last year was horrible and I went on 3 bouts of antibiotics, including 1 prescribed by a specialist. However, I've read up on it, and antibiotics are fairly ineffective in curing sinus congestion. The specialist last year said it was not going away because I was under too much stress - can't imagine why... ;) And although it's different, this year's not much better in the stress area. I need a couple of years without major life-changing events to let my body recover.
I started feeling a bit better Friday afternoon, and managed to get a lot of house work done this weekend. Hopefully mommy will get enough done this week that a consolidated effort next weekend will complete it - but next weekend's it (unless we hear otherwise).
I really want to make sure that when the kids come home, it's to a clean house, because I think that if they came to a messy house, it would stay that messy for the foreseeable future. Also, I'm tired of having a messy house. We've lived here 9 months now and for some reason it just hasn't been able to get clean yet. We can get all but 1 room done, which was OK when we had an unused bedroom, but now we actually need all the rooms in the house :)
Based on the info we have about people who had court dates close to ours, we still think that our embassy date will be the 23rd, and because we had to make a decision for travel, we've purchased and paid for our tickets. What an ordeal finding a credit card that had enough credit limit to pay for 2 round trip and 3 one way tickets to / from Ethiopia! - took about 3 tries and a couple calls to my bank... had the money in my checking account, but they won't authorize over $1000 at a time. I found another card we hadn't used for a while - it still had our old address - and it seems that they raised our credit limit since we last used it, and it was high enough to pay for the tickets. Praise God that got taken care of before we lost them!
We're still coming back 2 days late since the flight we wanted was booked, but we're wait listed, and may possibly get in for the earlier return date. They were able to get 3 seats, but the way the tickets are booked, we can't split up the parents, so 1 parent taking 1 or 2 of the kids home separately from the other(s) wasn't an option.
Anyway, I didn't update this sooner because I have been pretty sick since Wednesday on the drive home from work with major sinus congestion / dizzyness (missing 2 days of work in a row - which is something I can't recall ever happening in the past 7 years). I get these sinus infections almost every year, but last year was horrible and I went on 3 bouts of antibiotics, including 1 prescribed by a specialist. However, I've read up on it, and antibiotics are fairly ineffective in curing sinus congestion. The specialist last year said it was not going away because I was under too much stress - can't imagine why... ;) And although it's different, this year's not much better in the stress area. I need a couple of years without major life-changing events to let my body recover.
I started feeling a bit better Friday afternoon, and managed to get a lot of house work done this weekend. Hopefully mommy will get enough done this week that a consolidated effort next weekend will complete it - but next weekend's it (unless we hear otherwise).
I really want to make sure that when the kids come home, it's to a clean house, because I think that if they came to a messy house, it would stay that messy for the foreseeable future. Also, I'm tired of having a messy house. We've lived here 9 months now and for some reason it just hasn't been able to get clean yet. We can get all but 1 room done, which was OK when we had an unused bedroom, but now we actually need all the rooms in the house :)
Monday, January 1, 2007
We're parents again!
Legally so!
We have been for about a week, but due to vacation schedules, it took them a while to tell us.
Someone who had a court date a week before ours is traveling next week, so our travel for the week of January 14th us certainly possible, so I'll be paying for those tickets tomorrow before we lose them!
If we find that we will be traveling later, we can change them for $50 each, which isn't bad.
We have been for about a week, but due to vacation schedules, it took them a while to tell us.
Someone who had a court date a week before ours is traveling next week, so our travel for the week of January 14th us certainly possible, so I'll be paying for those tickets tomorrow before we lose them!
If we find that we will be traveling later, we can change them for $50 each, which isn't bad.
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