Racism

I feel like I may have just put my foot in my mouth again. I was reading Tracey's blog, a fellow adoptive mom that I've met in Real Life and I felt compelled to reply to a post.

But did I just sound like an ignorant white?

There are experiences that people of color have because of the systemic racism in society. Things where people act out of wrongly held assumptions, pigheadedness, ignorance and bigotry. Sometimes I feel compelled to say "Me too." I've been mistaken for the store employee: "Do you work here?" irregardless of the color shirt I'm wearing or lack of smock. I don't know what the visual clues are, but I've come across the people who aren't looking for dark skin or textured hair.

Likewise, I've been trailed in stores as a potential shoplifter. Not so much with kids, I like the pretty knick-knack stores. I don't go in them anymore, because they don't work well with a toddler. But I regularly had an employee shadow "Can I HELP you?" while eying where I might have pockets. So I guess it was discrimination against people under 30 who like coats with lots of pockets.

I've been ignored and overlooked because I've been "too young". I've been discredited and discriminated against because of the color of my skin "My mom told me I don't have to listen to a white teacher." And I've been told that a stranger might be a better parent for the child I've cared for because he isn't the same race as me.

I guess what I want to say is that discrimination and mistaken identity - I've been asked if I'm the sponsor for my children - since it was the best explanation for the worker at the international market. She took what she saw and tried to make sense of it. A late twenties light girl with straight hair and an adolescent Ethiopian girl doesn't automatically read as "mother-daughter" for the majority of the population.

We all need to be stretched. We try to understand the world based on what we've known to be true of it in the past. Some people have a lot of mistaken untrue beliefs that they use to filter the world - wrong beliefs about women, people who look different, people who speak with an accent, people who are too young to have the same life experiences or those who have had so much life experience that we think we can discount them because they are outdated.

In addition, so much is misunderstandings. There is overt calculated devaluing of people, there are the subconscious decisions that we make based on what we believe is true. Then there are the accidents, the misinterpretations. Tracey wasn't talking about them in her post, but I live in a life of blunders. Some people of diversity believe it's discrimination when a white person won't look them in the eye in a public place. Then there's me. I don't always have the self-esteem to look strangers in the eye, and I'm just as likely to "snub" the person who looks like my grandmother the same way I just snubbed you. And I've had enough classes and read enough articles and books (WHY do they think it would be in his best interests to be in a different family?) that I know there are people who don't think that I should be their mom... and I don't want to invite a confrontation in case they are a member of the National Association of Black Social Workers.

I know, I'm a wimp. I'd rather not have a negative social interaction so often I choose to avoid social interactions with strangers. Sometimes I force myself into them, I join groups and attend meetings... Very often I do not know what to say to people. Like "Please tell me what I don't know about locks."

I don't have a way to wrap this up, so I'll just leave my ending hanging.