Thursday, May 19, 2011

I Surrender........... some things?

All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.

I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender; humbly at His feet I bow.
Worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me Jesus, take me now.

God has been teaching me lately that I'm not surrendering all. I have surrendered a lot, and in my mind I sacrificed and surrendered quite a lot. I think that it should be good enough and that He shouldn't want anymore. I think of others I know who haven't surrendered as much and I wonder why He would want more from me - I mean aren't there other people He needs to focus on.

Oh the arrogance. What right do I have to hold onto any of it? Wasn't and isn't it all a gift from His hand to begin with? I am a steward - I need to care for what He has entrusted to me. I don't have any right to horde and refuse to allow Him access to things. And as for the other people? "Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand." Romans 14:4

Jesus wants all of me. There are many things that we want to compromise on, that we want to negotiate. We have our eyes off the goal and instead are focused on our desires.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15-17

Oh, there are so many things of this life that I find that I love too much. I find it out when I have a temper tantrum or a jealous rage because that was MY thing that was messed up, lost, broken or taken. That was MY shelf that someone shoved trash onto. MY time to do what I wanted.

The sin. Let me qualify - we all need time for rest, time for personal study and work and passions. But when we, when I, elevate the priority of the thing, the space, the time higher than our relationships with others or with God, it has become and idol. We are worshiping something that should not be worshiped.

I am praying that I can learn to worship only the One True God. That I can learn to love Him and then love these people created in His image more than my possessions, my hopes, my plans, my time, my schedule, my approval rating from others.

"Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43-45

I don't want to serve. Honestly, I don't. There are a few areas that are tedious and painful work for some that I enjoy - that's hardly a servant's heart to volunteer in Children's Ministry when I love Children's Ministry. For others, it is an act relying on the power of a Mighty God to work in them as they force one step at a time into the nursery. But there are other areas where I want someone else to do the work. Where I believe I am entitled to things. Entitled to time, to treatment, to being exempted from work.

So that's what I'm working on. Learning that no, it's not about "good enough" because that's not what Jesus came for. We weren't good enough before hand, that's why He had to come. We weren't good enough to deserve it, He had to initiate everything. And we were redeemed to live a life of radical obedience with His love in the center, to die to self and carry our cross - which isn't about good enough, it's about a love for Him that motivates everything we do.

So I'm working on falling in love with Jesus, because there is so much more than this selfish life I've been living. There is a whole lot more that redemptive love can do for good compared to what my selfish tantrums do to hurt people and keep them from growing to Jesus.

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